Saturday, December 05, 2015

Sarcastic quotes


Here are some sarcastic gems, scoured from the wastelands of the internet.
  • I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?
  • Just keep talking, I yawn when I’m interested.
  • I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.
  • I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying. - Oscar Wilde
  • I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.
  • I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book - Groucho Marx
  • Question: Do you know who I am? Answer: No, Why? Have you forgotten?
  • Here, let me drop what's important to me and pay attention to you and all of your needs.
  • I’m sorry while you were talking I was trying to figure where the hell you got the idea I cared.
  • Person 1 : Watch my stuff. Me : Why? Is it going to do a trick?
  • I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
  • Sure I’ll help you out…the same way you came in.
  • Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak. – Steven Wright
  • Oh… I didn’t tell you… Then It must be none of your business.
  • You are not as bad as people say, you are much, much worse.
  • Now we know why some animals eat their own children.
  • Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today.
  • He always finds himself lost in thought; it’s unfamiliar territory.
  • I like you. People say I’ve got no taste, but I like you.
  • I would have liked to insult you, but the sad truth is that you wouldn’t understand me.
  • I’d like to see things from your point of view, but I can’t seem to get my head that far up your ass.
  • If you were twice as smart as you are now, you’d be absolutely stupid.
  • I’m glad to see you’re not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance.
  • I’m impressed, I’ve never met such a small mind inside such a big head before.
  • Pardon me, but you’re obviously mistaking me for someone who gives a damn.
  • She’s the first in her family born without tail.
  • That man is cruelly depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
  • You grow on people, but so does cancer.
  • Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. - Oscar Wilde
  • Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence. - Ashleigh Brilliant
  • I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here. - Stephen Bishop
  • I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. - Groucho Marx
  • The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech. - George Bernard Shaw
  • I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. - Mark Twain
  • Weather forecast for tonight: dark. - George Carlin
  • The early bird may get the worm, but it's the second mouse who gets the cheese. - Steven Wright
  • I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. - Fred Allen
  • Children really brighten up a household - they never turn the lights off. - Ralph Bus Fred Allen
  • A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well-known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. - Sir Winston Churchill
  • Don’t be so humble, you are not that great.  - Jonathan Kellerman 
  • I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. - Frank Lloyd Wright

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