Minstrel Krampus (my favourite episode)
Stan: Wow. Full moon tonight.
Roger: Actually, once you get above the clouds, it's always a full moon.
Stan: Is that true?
Roger: Is any of this?
Steve: You know that beautiful girl Jenna I've kinda had my eye on?
Roger: Is this the same girl whose picture you put in your pajama bottoms before you go to bed?
Steve: You know about that?
Roger: Who do you think takes your pajamas off at night?
Roger: Ah, I love your religion - for the crazy! Virgin birth, water into wine; it's like Harry Potter, but it causes genocide and bad folk music.
Roger the Alien: I've waited my whole life to do this. The finger pyramid of evil contemplation. Feels good.
Roger the Alien: Cops already? What, are we next door to a freakin' Krispy Kreme?
Roger: [after getting a faceful of cocaine] I AM INCREDIBLY FOCUSED RIGHT NOW!
Roger the Alien: Don't hurt me! I know it sounds cliche, but I mean you no harm!
Stanley Smith: You're the alien? But they said you'd be bigger, and with claws.
Roger the Alien: Oh, I've got claws. Look how fat you are. See? Kitty can scratch.
[Roger enters wearing a festive sweater]
Roger: Merry, merry everyone!
Hayley: Wow, great sweater, Roger.
Roger: [drunkenly] Thanks, I totally sniped it from a guy on eBay. I not only stole the sweater, I stole his holiday spirit and that made my holiday spirit grow stronger. Because, that's how it works, right? Like "Highlander"? There can be only one?
Roger the Alien: I'm going to make you cry and dip my cookie in your tears.
Roger the Alien: [excited about Stan's fancy new drink] Oh my god, what is this and how can I replace my blood with it?
Roger: You think this fake detective agency with real cases in a pretend office in your father's garage is a joke?
Roger the Alien: Remember we were watching CSI, I said I want to do that, you said you totally should, ring a bell?
Klaus: No, are you sure you weren't high on angel dust and talking to the ceiling fan?
Stan: Roger, I think I've found a way off this island! Is there such a thing as a time crab?