Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Saturday, October 21, 2006

The Veil Controversy...and the Ninja

As a representative member of the Ninja Confederation, I must say there is another issue regarding the veil that has been overlooked. The acceptance of veil wearing Muslims in public by the public has allowed real Ninja’s (a perfectly decent, but highly secretive bunch) to wander about freely for the first time in many centuries. Indeed, the ninja now walks happily among us, they take their children to the parks, they walk the streets, they go to the shopping centers. The ninja is a contributing member to society. The ninja is in our midst. By integrating into society and finding ‘balance’, the ninja been able to give up the violent ways of old.

A typical ninja family:

The real threat of the this whole veil fiasco is that if Muslim veil wearer’s are sufficiently intimidated that they surrender and give up wearing the veil, then the ninja’s will be left standing out like sore thumbs and they will be targeted by association. When this happens, the ninja will be quick to retaliate. The ninja will strike out with great precision and ferocity, exploiting their familiarity with human pressure points, their ability to turn temporarily invisible, and they will utilise their specialised knowledge of deadly dusts and poisons. Many will be killed with the ninja sword, maimed by the ninja star, and paralysed by the ancient ninja poisons.

Shortly after the identity of the ninja becomes known, I expect they will be quick to move underground to avoid an all out war with the UK government, and perhaps with their long standing enemy, the Japanese Samurai. We have to appreciate that the ’surfacing’ of the ninja is a new phenomenon, believed to have taken place in the 1990’s (once their fame from 1970’s ninja films such as American Ninja, and 1980’s ninja-based computer games such as Shinobi, started to recede), when the ninja realised they could blend in with Muslim veil wearers. We now risk reversing all these years of progress, and many people could get killed in the process. This is the real concern. Is this what we want? Because this is what will happen.

A ninja attack:

(Pictures taken from the excellent brighton-wok.com)

* A recent academic study estimates that between 10-20% of veil wearers are real ninjas.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

The UN Secretary General Conspiracy

We are led to believe the UN follows a rigorous protocol when they decide on who will be the Secretary General. Or is simply a case of picking the guy with the funniest sounding name?

The last 3 Secretary Generals:

- Ban Ki-moon (the new dude)
- Kofi Annan
- Boutros Boutros-Ghali

If you think these might be normal names in their respective countries, note that when it was the UK's turn, did they chose someone with a name like John Smith? Oh no, they went for a Mr Gladwyn Jebb. Now don't try and tell me there is no funny business going on at the UN. I demand an enquiry!

PS - What do their PA's call themselves ... Secretaries to the Secretary? (Surely not).